Safe zone
To my fellow Moms,
How many of you struggle with yelling at your children? You know, those times when your patience is tested, your frustration level is high and your nerves are shot! I, unfortunately, have reached this point many more times then I want to admit to you. But, in hopes of providing encouragement and a healthier way to deal with these times, I am putting all my cards on the table.
It wasn’t very long ago, when I was facing a situation with my youngest son that truly had my blood boiling. I was angry and so disappointed. I remember asking Jesus to help calm me down before he walked in from school that day, since I had learned about this situation after he had already left for the day. Y’all, there was a lot of praying going on! A LOT!!!
When he got home, I worked really hard to stay calm, listen, digest his words and learn the reasons why he made certain choices. And then I asked him this question, “Why didn’t you just come to me and tell me what happened?” His answer is what stopped me in my tracks and literally took my breath out of my lungs, and not in a good way!
He said, “Mommy, I don’t have the courage to come and tell you these things because I know you are going to yell at me and I don’t want to be yelled at!”
His words literally punched me right in the gut! But, frankly, it was a gut punch I DESPERATELY needed!
I’m have a fiery personality and can me more reactive than responsive at time. This truth hurt me in my core! I had created this fear in my child! I was guilty of yelling too much and too often. My actions caused my son to think lying would be easier than telling me the truth! OH MY!!
And right then in the middle of this conversation, Jesus provided an idea that has changed EVERYTHING!
The words, “SAFE ZONE” is what Jesus spoke over me.
Since that day, when either of my boys need to talk to me and share something they know won’t make me happy, they say, “Mom, I need a “safe zone” conversation.” And when the say this, I enter the conversation calmly, with an open heart, mind and ear! My promise to them is that I won’t do any yelling at all. They know this doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for what they share but they can rest easy knowing Mom isn’t going to yell at them.
I don’t want to be a yeller! And I definitely don’t want to be remembered as one when they are grown and gone. This new practice has allowed us to create stronger bonds, repair damage that has been done by my yelling and made me more mindful of the way I speak to my children. I use this with both of my boys to provide a safe, calm and secure environment, without the Crazy, Yelling Mom present.
Do I get it right all the time? I wish I could say, “Yes!” but the truth is, no…I still fall short on some days. But when this happens I catch it much faster than I used to and we worked through it together! Because I know, if the lines of communication between us are broken, the struggles and division we would face would be unbearable! And that is not a reality I ever want to live in!
Maybe you can relate! Maybe the “safe zone” can help you in some way with your children, if you struggle with yelling like I have! I believe in the Mom network and that when we share our best practices, we can all benefit in one way or another to be the best Mom’s we can be! My prayer is that this has encouraged you in some way today!
XO,
Christy